I’m a millionaire and it cost me everything

37M. Recently hit this milestone after committing myself to my career for the last 15 years. I thought just focus on you, build the future you’re envisioning and the rest will fall into place. Man was I wrong. The only thing I have is my career. I’ve completely lost myself along the way.

I’m sitting alone in my apartment as the holiday weekend gets under way. Watching the city come to life as I feel I slowly succumb to the opposite force. My friends are all with their families and loved ones, most have small children of their own. Everyone is rightfully consumed with their family and close friends – I just don’t fit-in in most of those settings anymore.

I could absolutely go out on my own, so I’m not throwing a pity party, it just doesn’t sound appealing to me.

I’ve given up my hobbies as I never had time for them the last decade, or they no longer interest me. I am unable to find love – some blame is certainly my own in this category but still feels like it’s been a gauntlet. And now most of the available women my age have baggage, kids, etc. Not exactly exciting.

My friends who I grew up with look at me differently now that I’m successful. There is resentment. I went to intense graduate school and post-grad training during my twenties and early thirties, I grew apart from and lost touch with many good friends.

I used to be incredibly extroverted and could talk to a wall. Now, not only does small talk and interacting with people seem pointless, I’ve realized I can barely keep a conversation anymore. Interaction with people is a task now, and usually a disappointing or at best unremarkable occurrence in my day.

I’m a shell of my former self. I don’t have anything to offer anyone other than money. And that’s a worse feeling than having no money, which I’ve also experienced.

In my tireless journey for success, I lost my humanity and there is no worse poverty to experience than that of connection.

I hope this finds you well, and I implore you to nurture your connections. Love your family and spouse. Be present with the ones that matter. Lean into your friendships. There is no higher calling as a human than to brighten the world of those you love. That’s real wealth.

In a world that’s obsessed with status and appearance, achievement and comparison, chasing these vague axioms will lead to a life of emptiness and regret. Be thankful for what you have and for those you love. It’s the only currency that matters.

Edit: the intent behind writing this was a cautionary tale to the young professionals and young adults, caution that trying to fulfill yourself and find meaning in life through accomplishment and finances alone will not suffice. To cherish the friends and family you’ve got if you’re lucky enough to have them. Many young people driven to achieve are running from something in their past, I was. it isn’t a valid coping mechanism, and I’m humbly realizing that now.

I also want to recognize the spectrum on which suffering occurs. I assure you I am aware of how my situation doesn’t hold a candle to most of human suffering. I’m not looking for pity and I appreciate the interaction with this post, even the negative comments have value to me. Be well, all.